Laura. I’d asked her out twice over the year or so I’d known her and I’d been politely rejected both times. She was out of my league, the kind of girl who could literally have anyone she wanted. Five foot fiveish, long brown hair, lithe. Big brown eyes and an Irish accent and an ass that everyone in any room stared at as she walked away.

One weekend I’m leaving the bar debating what to eat and what I’m going to jerk off to at home when I saw her, some drunken older guy with his hand on her arm, her expression one of worry.

Being the nice guy I was trying to be I walked over and hugged her, all like “there you are Laura, I’ve been looking everywhere for you”. The creep looked confused for a moment, said something sweary, looked her over one last time and stumbled away. Good deed accomplished, time for spring rolls and a wank.

“How can I ever repay you” she asked with a smile.

Sodomy. That’s what I wanted to say. I didn’t. “Easy. Go out with me sometime.” Was what I did say. She shook her head.

“I’m not doing relationships”. An easy let down. I shrugged. I tried. Noodles and porn. Or maybe a kebab. No sodomy. No date. Definitely a kebab.

“Fair enough.” I said. “I suppose I’d be willing to settle for a quick fuck” . It was a joke. I did the whole hahaha thing to reinforce it. She laughed, thank fucking God.

“Your place or mine?”

I froze. It had to be a joke. I waited for a laugh that never came.

“Ummm”. Dignified.

“My place is nearby”

If it was a joke it was bordering on inhumane. I regained a semblance of composure and listened to her say words that never registered as we walked. Was this really happening?

I still wasn’t sure as I walked into her tiny studio apartment. She went to the bathroom and i looked around the room, the bedroom living room kitchen combo, a pile of clothes on the floor, underwear hanging on the radiator, the vibrator on the nightstand. I wanted so badly to smell it, but I didn’t. I wasn’t particularly nervous because I was still in disbelief. This was just a lesson, a wind up, an appropriate retribution for an unacceptable question.

I heard the shower running. After five torturously long minutes she emerged, wrapped in a towel that just barely concealed her modesty but showed enough skin to make me swell.

“Your turn” she said, an instruction, not a request.

The bathroom was tiny. The clothes she’d been wearing were strewn on the floor and I couldn’t resist picking up her panties and having a bit of a fondle and a cautious, perverted sniff. I undressed and climbed into the little shower and imagined what might transpire as I soaped up.

I was preemptively hard, worryingly so. I took a calculated risk and quickly, efficiently jerked off, watching my semen swirl down the drain, praying I’d not made a huge mistake.

I dried off, wrapped a pink towel around my waist and nervously walked back into the one room that was her apartment. She was on the bed, wearing a slightly oversized Manchester United top and some knee length wooly leg warmer things, talking on the phone, sipping a cup of tea. I had no fucking idea what to do, so I just stood there. I hated United, but God damn did she look hot in that top, her nipples poking through, her milky exposed thighs, no traces of underwear that I could see. She smiled and summoned me with a solitary curl of her finger.

Nerves and dread. Butterflies. I shuffled toward her. She was still on the phone as she tugged my towel, exposing me, my limp cock dangling at face level. She giggled. “Sorry Ma, yes I’m listening to you…”. She held a finger up to her lips, instructing me to be silent, before using that same finger and a thumb to peel back my foreskin. She was inspecting me, leaning in a bit, looking at the underside of my tip, all while listening to her mother on the phone. It was surreal.

I prayed to anything listening. I was embarrassingly flaccid. The cold wasn’t helping. Even her fingers had no effect. She shook it about a bit, like one would do to a remote control with dead batteries. Nothing. Fuck. She tilted her head like a confused dog, almost like she’d never seen a limp cock before.

She looked up at me, mouthed the words “eat me”, leaned back and spread her legs. No panties. No pubes. Just pink lips and a little hooded clit. I fell to my knees. She smelt like fruity body wash. I looked up at her, still on the phone, all “yes Ma”. I watched her eyes flutter as I started to lick. She tasted like soap and vagina.

So I’m busily lapping away, exploring, pulling away to look, studying her, spreading her dangling lips, poking my tongue in there. Like a kid with a new toy. I watched her bite her lip as I slipped a finger in.

“No Ma, I’m listening…”

Her breathing was getting louder. When the second finger slipped in she let out a little gasp.

“Nothing Ma… I’m okay. . I’m okay..”

Her eyes were closed, her lips pursed. A third finger, knuckle deep. Things were getting sloppy with my spit and her ooze. She had a foot on my shoulder, pushing me away as she wriggled backwards, evicting my soaking fingers.

”Ma… I’m going to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye Ma.” She hung up, tossed the phone and took a deep breath.

“Jesus Christ that was close…” she gasped. “Please tell me you’re hard”.

I stood up, the proud owner of a new erection. “Condom” she commanded, pointing to the drawer. It was literally full, dozens of loose condoms, every colour, every brand. I grabbed a random one. Ribbed. She watched me roll it on, almost as if she was making sure I was doing it right.

“I’m so fucking close… “ she said, lying back, spreading her legs, inviting me into her. I knelt between her thighs, and she grabbed me, pulling me onto her. Her eyes fluttered as I entered her.

“I’m coming…” she whimpered immediately, her body trembling, her eyes rolling, her insides spasming. The quickest orgasm my penis had ever participated in. I fucked her through it, her insides so wet I could hear it, her cheeks so pink she looked like she’d been slapped about. I hiked up her t-shirt and indulged in her little breasts and her hard little nipples. She went limp. She went quiet.

I kept fucking her. Slowly at first. I tried to kiss her and she turned her head away. I thrust harder and she let out a little gasp. I kept thrusting as she just lay there, staring at something in the distance, letting me get on with it. The only noise was the bed creaking, her vagina slurping and our flesh slapping.

It started to feel a bit creepy, me pumping and grunting, her just lying there, being used. Was I supposed to stop? I slowed down a bit and she finally said something.

“Are you gonna cum… It’s okay if you are…”

“I’m good”

“Stop trying to impress me… I agreed to a quick fuck… are you close?”


“Getting close? Are you gonna cum inside me”


“No… you wanna make a mess, don’t you? All over my boobs? You probably think they’re too small… I wish they were bigger, just a bit…”


“You wanna cum on my face… not in my mouth, because you want the mess, don’t you… gooey cum all over my face… that’s what you want…”


“Dirty boy… I know that’s what you wanna do… maybe a bit in my mouth, make me taste it… feed me a bit to see if I like it…”


Jesus fucking Christ. Her words were destroying my defenses. Danger. I was going to do it. I was on the brink, primed, just about to pull out. Confidence mustered. Leftover dregs or not, I was about to do my first pornstar whip it out and straddle her chest cumshot. But first, a final warning.

“Immacumonyourface….” Fucking dignified.

Her legs wrapped around me. I tried to break free but I was stuck, buried inside her. It was a trap.


No mess. She smiled a wry smile as I pulsed and shriveled inside her, finally releasing me when I was no longer a threat, limp and empty, done. I slipped out and she sat up.

“You were really gonna do it, weren’t you?”

“I thought… you said…”

“Cum is gross. You think I actually wanted you to feed it to me? Jesus. It’s just a little trick I learned. Works every time.. almost every time… anyway, it’s getting late… thanks again for saving me…”

Five minutes later I was walking home in the rain with a confused smile, and, I’m ashamed to admit, the panties from the bathroom floor in my pocket. Best of all, there was still time to get a kebab.

This story was originally posted here.

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