**edit: read from [here to skip](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/40d0kx/i_cheated_on_my_boyfriend_at_work_ff_2/cyt7rvf) to the wild bit.**

*Hi gws. I posted [something crazy](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3xicjg/i_cheated_on_my_boyfriend_at_work_ff/) that happened to me here and it was really really great for me to know other people were seeing it, and it was nice to be able to contribute to the sub as well. So I thought I’d write up the next bit and post it. I actually contacted the mods before posting this because of how long it is, and what my options were for cutting it up, but I never got a reply.*

*Once again details and stuff have been tweaked a lot. I have also written in a lot of the talking between Izzy and me. Obviously I kind of had to make it all up from memory, but it’s true as far as I can remember it. Same goes for all the details I guess. It’s mega rambly and stupidly long because I’m just going through everything step by step in my brain. Like, every detail I can really remember. It’s definitely helping me get everything out of my head. So the disclaimer is that there are pages and pages of words where I don’t ‘go wild’ in any way. Obviously though this is gonewildstories so you can infer from that what you like… I’ve tried to break it up into chunks with lines of **XXX**s so you can zoom ahead if you want to skip all my rambly thoughts.*

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*This is the weekend after it happened where I just think a lot about stuff. Skip ahead to go to my first day back at work with Izzy.*

I suppose I should start with the Saturday after the Friday, as that makes sense. I woke up next to my boyfriend completely naked and feeling very heterosexual. Sleeping next to my man after having his penis inside me was very reassuring. I felt fine. I got up, put some pjs on and started on breakfast. Before long my boyfriend joined me and we had a nice normal Saturday morning together. We rent a little two bed flat on the outskirts of our smallish city. It’s nothing fancy but it’s our base, and that morning we were enjoying it with cups of tea and crappy television.

If all this sounds very normal, that’s because it was. It was weirdly normal, almost scarily normal. At first I tried desperately to not think about what had happened with Izzy the day before, because I was afraid everything would come tumbling down and I would become a mess or something. But obviously you can only keep that up for so long, because it’s like trying not to imagine a pink elephant when someone says ‘don’t imagine a pink elephant’.

So I’d be sipping my tea and relaxing when Izzy’s face would suddenly pop into my mind’s eye, looking up at me from between my thighs. Or I’d be looking at the tv screen and suddenly remember staring at my laptop screen while Izzy quietly pulled my legs open. It was bizarre to feel so normal, but suddenly get these weird flashbacks. At one point I went to go have a shower, and as soon as I locked the door I was transported back to that toilet cubicle, peeling off my panties and sticking them in my handbag. I stood there in the bathroom thinking ‘*Was that really me? Did I get half naked at work? Did I really get wet because of a girl?*’

What was bothering me about the flashbacks (which is a term I use super loosely) wasn’t that they were making me feel sick or weird (they weren’t) but that they didn’t even feel like me at all. It was a bit like having someone else’s memories in my brain because the person I was remembering didn’t fit with how I thought about myself. I wasn’t disgusted or anything, I just didn’t identify with the ‘me’ in my memories. Very odd feeling.

I didn’t let anything on, and if my boyfriend noticed anything he didn’t show it. We just continued through our day like normal. I went for a swim in the afternoon which helped clear me up a bit, and I started to feel more and more removed from the previous day. By the time dinner rolled around Izzy felt like a character in a book I’d read, and Friday seemed like it had been weeks ago, and in another person’s life. I almost tricked myself into thinking I’d made it all up. When I woke up on Sunday it was even more normal. I just accepted that Friday had happened, and that it was just going to be a teeny tiny blip in my life. We went to lunch with my boyfriend’s parents, and everything seemed to have sorted itself out.

On Monday morning it was the usual routine which meant up early and off to work. Izzy doesn’t come in on Mondays, which I was really happy about if I’m honest. I felt fine in myself but I was afraid that we we’re going to have to have a ‘talk’ or something, so it was nice to know there was another day before we’d have to work that out. All the same I got pretty nervous when I got to my building and office. I got this feeling like the walls knew what happened. I must sound super paranoid or something, but I think I just had a lot of butterflies. I swiped into the office, walked over to my team’s desk, and sat down. Everyone had the usual post weekend small talk as we settled down to work. It was really nice to have everything feel like nothing had changed, and I worked away happily all morning.

At lunch time I went to the kitchen in our office and microwaved some soup that I’d brought. I was alone in the room kind of staring vacantly into the microwave (as you do) and I figured I should probably think about what to say to Izzy the next day. Thing is, she had been totally fine about everything on Friday afternoon so I guessed she’d probably be fine on the Tuesday too. She’d probably come in and it would be awkward at first, but we’d get a chance to speak about it and both be like ‘Yeah no worries let’s just cross it off the bucket list and move on!’. I’d just tell her it was our secret and that it’s not like it meant anything anyway. Everything would be fine.

I was sat down at my desk eating my soup when my colleague/friend sat next to me said ‘Oh, Helen, have you got that list of codes I laminated?’. I didn’t have the list, but I knew exactly where it was. I had lent it to Izzy on the Friday morning for her project and she had probably put it in her desk. I swallowed my soup and said ‘Yeah hang on a sec, I’ll just grab it from Izzy’s desk’. Hearing her name out loud kind of knocked me a little bit. I stood up and walked over to her desk. Pretty ordinary and sparse, ‘*Just like that other desk*’ I thought. I tried to ignore the thought and looked for the list.

Keyboard mouse monitor, with some stationary and a packet of biscuits off to one side. It was an ordinary desk, but it was also *hers*. My wandered again and I thought ‘*Those biscuits go into the same mouth that gave me an orgasm three days go*’. Really random thought, but it just popped in. I ignored it again and opened the drawer under her desk. Some pens and pencils, a phone charger, some papers, and a pair of grey mittens. I knelt down so that I could leaf through it easier, and got just the faintest smell of her, probably from the mittens? I don’t know if it was perfume or body spray or shampoo, but it was definitely her. I didn’t realise until then that she even had a smell. I breathed in through my nose to see if I could get it again. I did, and it took me right back to opening the meeting room door on Friday. Smells are fucking weird like that. I started to get a bit anxious, and forced myself to sift through the pages until I found the laminated list. I closed the drawer without looking at it, stepped back to my desk and handed the list to my colleague.

The rest of the day I was a tiny bit more subdued. I was fine really, but part of me worried that I was going to freak out when I saw Izzy the next day. I went home that day feeling fine, but probably a little less secure than in the morning. I also noticed that I still didn’t feel bad about what had happened. It almost felt too alien for me to feel bad about it, even though I knew that didn’t make it okay.

on Monday evening I was sorting out some laundry. While I was putting some clothes away in my chest of drawers I rediscovered my little treasure trove of lingerie (I don’t have much if I’m honest). I don’t wear it that often but I like looking at it sometimes because it’s a nice reminder of my intimacy with Ben (the name I’m giving my boyfriend). Probably sounds a bit weird but whatever. It’s all the usual sort of stuff really, lots of sheer things that each weigh less than a chocolate biscuit because of how little material there is. I found a pair of panties that Ben bought me as a semi-serious valentine’s present last year, so I picked them out to have a look at them.

They are like lace panties except the middle bit is attached to the front with a pair of buttons, so you can unbutton for ‘easy access’ (lingerie makes me laugh sometimes). I don’t know if I’m explaining it very well but they look kind of like [this](http://www.amazon.com/Trixx-Intimates-Womens-Button-Crotch/dp/B00AM2RQCQ), only on mine the middle bit is sheer lace and the rest is cotton. I was looking at them with a smirk, when my mind turned rogue again and thought ‘*These would definitely have made things easier last week*’. I put the panties back with the other stuff and shoved it all back into the drawer. I figured it was going to take a few more days at least to get everything out of my system, and I just carried on with my laundry.

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**tldr spent the weekend feeling a bit weird and wondering if I was gay or something**

*Next bit is about seeing Izzy again after the weekend. Keep scrolling if you want to skip to where we talk about ‘stuff’*

The next morning Izzy was on my mind again obviously. When I got dressed I actually deliberately chose some trousers because I wanted to divorce myself from everything that happened. I got in my car a bit later feeling pretty confident and set off for work early, so I’d definitely be there before she arrived. I did manage to get to work early, swiped in and got started on stuff at my desk. Izzy cycles into work and comes up the office’s back entrance (past the toilets). I was actually really glad about that because my desk faces towards the main entrance and I think I would have just stared at the doors waiting for her otherwise.

The next 10 minutes were agonising. Every time someone walked past I had to force myself not to look and see if it was Izzy. Eventually though it happened. Someone walked into my peripheral vision, slowed, and stopped. I counted to three, pretending to look intently at the screen, and then turned to see Izzy standing at her desk while she set her stuff down. I couldn’t help but just stare at every little detail about her. Not for any dirty reasons, just because she had been going round and round my head for days, and now she was actually in front of me again. She started taking off her coat and turned her head to face me. My stomach actually did this weird flop thing when we made eye contact. She gave me a big smile, and my face smiled straight back at her just as strongly. For just a split second I remembered the wet, sticky version of that smiling face I had seen last week. We didn’t say anything. Pretty quickly I realised we were staring so I just said ‘How you doing? Good weekend?’. She nodded and said ‘Yeah thanks, nothing special but it was okay’. I nodded. We were still kind of smiling at each other which was probably super weird to anyone looking, but I didn’t really want to just turn my head away and end the exchange.

After several long seconds Kim (the friend I sit next to who I’ve mentioned) got to her desk next to mine and said hi to us both. I was relieved for the opportunity to snap myself out of that weird trance, and we had a little three-way small talk for a minute or so. While her PC was turning on, Izzy looked at Kim and I (and a couple of others who had just arrived) and asked if anyone wanted a drink. She went off to the kitchen with our tray to make some teas and coffees (typical intern!) and I had to force myself not to watch her go. I tried to get back to my work while she was gone, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I kept thinking about her face and her eyes and her lips and her hair and her body. Not because I was attracted to her, but because I was trying to *figure out* if I was attracted to her. We’d had a kind of sex together and I’d been thinking about her for days. Did that mean I fancied her? Had I actually been bisexual all this freaking time? I know orientation isn’t a big deal for a lot of people, but for me it’s a huge chunk of my identity.

Izzy came out of the kitchen a couple of minutes later holding a big tray of mugs. She was keeping an eye on the tray so I took the opportunity to sneak a look at her. By all standards, she really is very good looking. Her features are all pretty striking, but still quite delicate and pretty. It’s kind of hard to describe, but her face is quite unique in a good way. Her eyes are really big and blue, her nose is pretty, and her mouth is wide, which might not sound conventionally attractive but she has quite full lips and I think it makes her smiles super infectious. She’s white (which you probably guessed), but she has this really subtle tanned colour to her skin, like just barely caramel-y. Her hair is long and blonde and is kind of ‘fluffy’ without being frizzy, like it’s very wavy without being curly. She’s in good shape too, though her body is waaay different to mine. We’re both lean but where I am quite willowy she is shorter and has more curves going on, and you can tell she cycles a lot by looking at her legs. I was carefully scanning all the different parts of her trying to figure out if she was doing it for me. To tell you the truth I really didn’t know. Thinking I might not be straight made me feel pretty uncomfortable to be honest, and I certainly didn’t feel same way I do when I see a hot guy. But at the same time she really did look good, and I was kind of having fun watching her because of it.

Of course right then she looks up and sees me watching her. I thought about looking away but I was way too slow for that. She gave me another big smile which I obviously returned. I thought ‘*Oh god she probably thinks I fancy her*’, even though I wasn’t 100% convinced I didn’t. It was going to be a weird day. She started handing out everyone’s drinks and when she got to my desk her scent hit me way stronger than before, taking me right back to the little meeting room again. She put my mug down and said ‘Milk no sugar, yeah?’. I nodded and said ‘Yep’. When she spoke I could just about see her tongue moving in her mouth, and all I could think ‘*That’s the only tongue in the whole office that’s been in my vagina*’.

I won’t keep up the blow-by-blow account, but basically the day went on like that. Us both trying not to smile at each other like weirdos while we tried to get our work done. And when either one of us had to pop over to the other’s desk, I couldn’t help but vividly remember our last meeting. I was pretty sure she was thinking the same thing. It’s hard to get a lot of work done when you’re trying to work out if you ‘like’ someone.

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**tldr saw Izzy at work and tried to figure out if I fancied her**

*This bit is about us talking about things. Skip ahead to find out what happens when I’m left alone with my thoughts.*

Around lunchtime I was picking at a sandwich when a little alert popped up on my screen. I had totally forgotten but I actually had some TOIL I’d booked off from 2pm that afternoon. Izzy and I share a work calendar so I heard it come up on hers at the same time. It was still an hour and a half away, but about fifteen minutes later a little email notification pops up on my screen, and it’s from Izzy. We email files and stuff several times a day so it’s no big deal, but the subject line on this one said ‘TOIL’. I tried not to click on it straight away in case she thought I was too keen but then told myself off for being a teenager. I waited like twenty seconds and then opened it and this is paraphrased from my inbox.

*Hi Helen,*

*I saw you’re on toil this afternoon? Do you want to go to a cafe and have a quick chat? No worries if you’ve got plans, just thought it would be a good opportunity to go over a few things. I’m actually a bit ahead of schedule over here, in case that’s a concern.*

*Izzy*

My head kind of swam for a bit. This was the first actual recognition that anything had happened outside of my own head. I was relieved to see that she suggested a cafe and not a meeting room, but I still didn’t know if we should meet. I hit reply and started typing something super professional like ‘Hi Izzy, Thanks for your email. Happy to have a catch-up to see how you’re getting on, but I think we should keep it work-related if possible’. But I deleted it because it was pretty bitchy. Well that and I knew I actually did really want to talk about it all. So I settled on:

*Hi Izzy*

*Yes I forgot myself actually, I do think it would be a good idea to go over things though. I have to run an errand first, but we can meet in the downstairs lobby at 14:30 if that suits you?*

*Helen*

I clicked send before I could change my mind. I didn’t have an errand to run at all but I felt like I wanted some breathing room for some reason. Izzy replied a moment later to say that it was fine and she’d meet me later, which made me a little nervous.

Well 2pm rolled round and I packed my stuff and switched off my computer before saying bye to everyone and heading out. As soon as I got out the building I didn’t really know what to do, so I went to the post office to buy some stamps (which nearly caused me to be late because the post office is always super busy). But I got back to the building for half 2. Izzy was there with everything except her bike which she left on the rack, and we shared a smile through the glass when I approached. She’s interesting because in some ways she’s very feminine but in some ways she’s not. She looks very feminine with her hair and her face and her body. Her clothes are all obviously bought from the women’s section. But she doesn’t really act in a very feminine way. Not that she’s butch or anything because she definitely isn’t. It’s hard to put a finger on it. She never wears heels or dresses or skirts for example. She doesn’t wear makeup, and she doesn’t wear any jewellery apart from a thin silver chain around her neck. The way she stands and talks and walks isn’t really masculine or feminine. It’s just Izzy. I think she’s just quite practical. I would never describe myself as girly, but being next to Izzy does kind of make me feel a bit girly.

Anyway, she opened the door and walked up to me and we said ‘hi’. I wasn’t freaking out or anything, but I was definitely nervous because this was the first time we’d been ‘alone’ together since it happened. I tried to be way more comfortable than I actually felt and said ‘So where do you want to go?’. She mentioned a cafe nearby (which I’m not naming for obvious reasons!) and we started to walk in that direction. The walk was only like 5 minutes, but it felt a lot longer. We just talked about work stuff, and a bit more about what we did over the weekend.

The cafe we went to is what I imagine an Italian-American cafe to be like. It’s quite dark inside with lots of wood paneling (I’ve never been to Italy or America so I don’t really know!) with quiet classical music playing. It’s quite big too, and it’s kind of a morning place so it was fairly empty that time of day. Anyway we got a coffee and tea and sat down at a square table in the corner. I had no desire to drink my tea at all but I forced myself to take a few sips anyway. She looked at me and said ‘So. I hope this isn’t weird’. I said ‘No, don’t worry!’. But it was definitely a bit weird. I kind of took the lead and said ‘Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? Obviously, you know, *’that’*, but anything in particular?’. She laughed and said ‘Well, I don’t know. I guess it was just pretty crazy. Never done anything like that before. I wanted to make sure everything was still fine with us? I don’t want to mess up my internship obviously’. I gave her a very genuine smile of relief that she was approaching this from the same angle as me and said, ‘Absolutely. Don’t worry about it. It was pretty crazy wasn’t it?’

At that moment we both just cracked up and started giggling, and Izzy went super red and I think I did too. It felt soooo nice to just laugh about it, like all the second-guessing and everything just flew away for a second. I suddenly felt like I could talk to Izzy about anything because of what we shared. I said ‘You know it doesn’t have to change anything right? It happened and then it was over and we’re both still here’. She nodded again and said ‘Yeah, totally. I’m really glad that we both feel, I don’t know, stable about it. I was really afraid that everything was going to be messed up when I came in today. I’ve been a bit of a state all weekend’. I kind of opened my eyes a bit wider at that, because that is honestly not what I wanted to hear. I said ‘I’m really sorry about that, we probably should have had this chat on Friday, but I think it was all a bit much’. She shook her head and said ‘No no, it’s all fine now. I’m just glad everything’s okay’.

We had a completely comfortable moment of silence while we both relaxed a bit. Eventually Izzy piped back up and said ‘So. I have to ask. Do you kind of wish it hadn’t happened?’. I took a moment to think about it and was really surprised at what I thought. It occurred to me just then that at no point in the last few days had I thought ‘*I wish I hadn’t done it*’. I looked Izzy in the eye and said ‘If I’m honest, I don’t regret it. Still shocked it even happened, but I don’t wish it hadn’t’. She looked relived to hear that. I followed it up with ‘What about you? Are you glad you got to… you know… try it out?’. She smiled really widely and said ‘Definitely. I’ve been trying not to say this because I didn’t know how you’d react, but I really enjoyed it’. I had another sudden flashback to her face from the last week, and still couldn’t fully believe it was the same girl. She continued saying ‘All that stuff has been going around my head for a few months now, and I’m really glad I got a chance to do something about it’. She was quiet again for a moment and then said ‘Not just about the curiosity thing either. I mean, it was actually really fun. Like, really fun for me to do’.

I nodded. I was planning to kind of move the conversation on there, but then that weird thing happened again. Where some part of my brain intervened really quickly before I could think about it, and I said ‘So, if you don’t mind my asking… What about it did you like?’. My rational brain kicked in and said ‘*Stop it Helen*’, but the question was out there. Izzy took a few moments and said ‘Well, lots of things I guess. I mean, I don’t want to be really graphic about it…’. My heart started beating faster in my chest and Izzy had a very quick glance to make sure no one was around. She said ‘It’s kind of hard to describe, but it’s just really intense to have… you know… your face… there.’. I nodded and forced some more tea down my throat. She continued saying ‘And there’s other things obviously, like….’. My autopilot brain said ‘Like what?’. She smiled nervously and said ‘Like… the taste? And the feel of everything against… your face? I don’t know…’. I could feel my pulse in my head and some tiny part of my brain that had still been holding out was like ‘*Holy shit it really happened didn’t it*’. I had a sickeningly familiar rush of that rollercoaster excitement. ‘*Izzy knows what I taste like*’ I thought, ‘*She knows what I feel like against her face*’.

We were quiet for a minute, before Izzy turned it around and said ‘What about you? Did you enjoy it?’. I kind of looked up at the ceiling and said ‘Uhhh….’. Izzy smiled and said ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked’. But I caught myself and said ‘No it’s fine. Yes. I did enjoy it’. Izzy nodded slowly and said ‘Because, you know, if you didn’t mean what you said before I’d totally understand’. I gave her a quizzical look. She said ‘You know. After you…. finished…. you said it was the best or something?’ ……

And there it was. The fact that I think I had been deliberately ignoring all along. It absolutely had been the best, or at least one of the best. Izzy had given me oral sex and I’d had maybe the most intense orgasm I could remember. I really didn’t want to think about what that might mean. I put my tea down and tried not to look at Izzy’s face. I said ‘Umm… Yeah. Well… It’s kind of hard to, *rate it*, I guess… But yeah. It was….’. I let go for a moment and just said ‘… It was really, really good. Honestly. It was amazing’. Izzy’s face basically split in two because she smiled so hard. She breathed out and said ‘Phew! … I really liked it when you… Yeah… So I’m happy you did’. We both had another giggle. I could feel my face get really hot, and my heart was still pounding away.

After the moment passed I looked at her and said ‘Do you think you answered your question?’. Izzy waited a moment and said ‘Yeah I think so. I haven’t told a soul about ANY of this obviously, but yeah. I think I’m kind of… Bi… Wow that feels weird to say out loud’. I smiled out of genuine happiness for her. It was actually a really nice moment. She looked at me after a moment and just said ‘Thanks. I know it’s a weird way to help someone, but you really did help me’. I started waving my hands and shaking my head because although it had been many things, it had not felt one bit like charity. I said ‘No no no! Don’t thank me! Let’s just both say it was fun, okay?’. She nodded. It felt really nice to admit that it was fun, because it was.

Izzy waited a bit and then said ‘What about you? I know you weren’t trying to answer any ‘questions’ about yourself, but did you, er, did you like the fact that I’m a girl?’. I felt really stunned at that moment because that was the very question I had been trying to answer the last few days. ‘Um. I don’t know’ I said truthfully. I could feel this voice in my head going ‘*Shut up Helen, shut up shut up*’ but I was kind of ignoring it. I said ‘I don’t *think* the ‘girl’ part had anything to do with it. But I don’t know. I mean, part of me thinks I must at least be okay with it, because otherwise it wouldn’t have been so… nice’. Izzy nodded and said ‘Well I mean it’s no big deal really. It doesn’t have to be, I mean’. She chuckled and said ‘I guess the test is: would you ever choose to do it again?’.

‘*Oh shit*’ I thought, ‘*Would I?*’. I was not ready to think about that question. I just ummed and ahhed a bit and then said ‘Hard to say, I mean I don’t know. I mean it feels really good obviously, but I don’t know if I would want it with a girl again. Specifically’. Izzy shook her head and said ‘Hey it’s fine, I suppose at the end of the day… umm… A mouth is a mouth right?’. We both started laughing again at that point because it was such a stupid thing to hear. Such a weird conversation to have.

At that point more people started to come in and a couple sat down nearby so we switched to work chat. It actually was useful to hear about what she’d been working on that day in more detail, and the rest of the conversation was pretty run of mill. After another twenty minutes or so our drinks were cold and we decided to call it. Saying goodbye was pretty awkward because after all of that she was still my intern and I was still her line manager. I started walking back to my car (not at the office) and all I could think about was how messy everything would get if something went wrong now. That, and the question Izzy had asked me about wanting to do it again. I still couldn’t answer that one.

**So apparently this is way too long. I’m just gonna put the rest in a comment. Hope that’s okay. Like I said I contacted the mods…**

This story was originally published here

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